Why I write
I never thought of answering this question, or why I hate myself, why things are so wabi-sabi or what people want from me. Let us check toghether. Maybe you can help me. I am sure you will.
You are a part of my highs and lows, my life. I feel like I have a shoulder to cry and a place in the huge world. I never realised one day while looking up my Medium feed and rebuking my decisions I will stumble upon an old question, I am ashamed for I don’t have an answer. Let us find out.
Writing is a way I can feel about to reach God, I don’t know whether you believe in Him or not but I beleive in him and this beleive makes me strong enough to help myself, and now I need your help that is the reason I am ringing your house bell. When I write I can write my pains out, my sorrows, my misery, my feelings, my fire. I have these weird thoughts and all that I mentioned in the last post. I find a meaning to my life. Sometimes in mids of all work and play, I stumble upon the very question why? And that stops me from everything, I cry, sob and maybe change and come back to writing and then I write why? And then I recover but today He asked me why do you write? Writing for me is like speaking for you. I feel suffocated when I can’t express myself, I feel a void, or a mashed block of feelings, I as if become lost in my feelings. My wrath and love come out through this writing.
The rain of words as if heals my wounds that bleed me. I as if am a lost warrior. I don’t like competition or comparison, I always have to compete to sustain my position for I can’t afford to lose, I give my best at it all but still I fall. Writing helps me cure myself. My father is a great writer and poet. If you have read my blogs you know his name. His words are so sharp that they cut not like wedge but like a sword. So sharp that can pierce to your core and bring back into you the you you are. Sorry for using so many you-s. He is the greatest poet. I find my inspiration from him. Maybe because I can’t lie to you, I would tell you that I love to copy him, the type of work, his attitude and his likings except for using chopsticks. I love to take inspiration from my mom, there nobody more intelligent than her I find. She is so very intelligent, so much. Her power to deduce and her knowledge of human psychology is brilliant. She could have set examples but she left everything for me and my family, most of whom have not kept her out of the family filter and forgotten her 15 dedicated years of service towards the family, no one wants a medal but you will simply forget.
I write leave a mark. I am afraid that if I can’t be able to do something in life, then people will forget me, I make mistakes due to nervousness, I know it all yet I stammer and hesitate. When did all this happen that even a dust particle could harm me? I don’t know what or when. I want the world to know I once lived and for them to remember.
If no one knows about me my creations will be known. Some would remember this kid coder. May I be happy and with you, papa, mummum, my cute GULAB-BONU, and everybody. I don’t want people to hate me but I also know that one is always a villain in someone else’s story.
I write to speak the truth.
With all your blessings HAESolve is up and running and I am improving steadily. I seek your blessings and support to grow. I pray for your good health. Stay safe, and healthy. Keep reading. And if you can’t sleep at night do something, take a nice book and read word by word in your heart and imagine yourself you will feel sleepy continue this and you will develop a nice sound sleep and book reading habits, or maybe write a little of what you did and what you feel. I am sure it would help.
Once again, have a nice day, thanks for reading. Don’t forget to clap and follow if you like the story. And I will be bringing new free blogs every day now and then.