When I art
I don’t like to draw, I can’t draw, I get low grades in drawing. I draw pretty bad and worse than many of my friends. I can’t draw what is the syllabus of my drawing class. I can’t draw what my teacher teaches. I laze around in the class. I can’t draw what I wish to draw. But does that mean I can’t art?
Some time back I wrote an article on why I write, but I had intentionally left to add 1 piece of information, that I write to draw. If you remember me saying I love to write and if you remember me telling that anger fuels my creativity. I don’t like drawing and painting and I can’t draw what I intend to. My father says something frequently but I did not get hold of that, he says that there are 2 ways to draw :- 1) you draw on paper with pen and colour, and 2) you draw in your mind and then follow it on paper and practice of 2 makes 1 better.
And I have seen that when I try to follow things I can’t just do my work, but I am good at penning down my image, the image in my mind, as I close my eyes the image I could see.
Recently during a very tiring day, all the while I was thinking about what to do with my life? What to write next? How to correct the error? What next to tweet?
It was all so tiring and labouring. I then again had a vision, a vision of eccentricity, night, love, blind faith and hatred. I saw pain, blood, coldness, and serenity. I saw darkness enter light and light getting burner, I saw the fight, the fight for existence. I saw the two wolves. I saw them get fed. I saw them grow. I saw them bloom and I saw them whither.
Though all this was happening, I was imagining all this. All that happened in the physical world was nothing more than a 2 drops of warm and wet tears on my dry and hard skin, rolling down.
Then I started to do a quick study on how to draw …. Wait! I want to keep you guessing. Guess what I can draw.
Then I took my pen, the pen was shaking with anger and frustration, anger from what? and frustration from what? I could not understand, I started by going round and then by adding a small extension like little halves of a bow and with time I recursed the same thing every time bigger, Theni drew a long line with circles like hearts and a big line that connected beauty to the ground, and some small aparted souls like lines connected at one pivotal point and then I put the colours,so many vibrant colours, so many things that were going on in me at that moment, so many contrasting entities, yet none said look at me!, or look at me! They all were peacefully United but the background portrayed a contrasting mixtures of contradictions, I am not trying to be De Morgan but yes it did portray a poetry, it portrayed love, anger, hatred, cruelty, blood, ambition, passion, fight, struggle, darkness, pain, suffering. See how my juxtaposition of words made ambition, passion and struggle and darkness some of the hard to consume words yet they are not always dark yet necessary and their meanings are also contradictory. Painting is also juxtaposition of colours in unity and solace, maybe sometimes you can’t do justice to your art, maybe the colours may not be united neither can be in peace but still that will be painting, even a scribble and doodle goes a long way as it hold a lot of meanings we can’t grasp.
“What I says and what I means is often two different things.”-Big Friendly Giant, Roald Dahl
After this piece was finished I reflected upon a thought, that I do can draw sometimes, sometimes when miracles take place.
Thank you so much for reading the text. This means a whole lot to me. Please take care, and stay happy. I am there for you. Keep reading.